Moving Announcemnet

After four years on The Not-So-Secret-Life the time has come for me to close this chapter. My life has been completely changed since the beginning of this journey in ways I never could have imagined. I have to certainly give you credit for adding to that impact by engaging in my written pieces. Whether you've read, shared, or commented on my blog here you helped impact my life and for that I am grateful. 

Your support has been incredible as I've grown in my writing skills and story telling. More importantly your support for where this all started by keeping up with my life as a traveled full time in Life Action for three years.

However, just because seasons change does not mean I will stop writing. In fact I'm thrilled to announce that my new website has been launched and you can now follow me on: 

www.marinanellie.com

Thank you again for everything and I hope you check out my new blog with a piece I've anticipated more than anything I've ever written. 

Best Regards, 

Marina

Please Bring an Updated Resume

At any job interview they ask you to bring an updated version of your resume. For obvious reasons, they need to know if you are able to do the job you've applied for.

Is this person a hard worker?

Do they have the qualities we need, want, and desire of our employees?

How are they with customers?

What do past employers think about them?

In high school my schedule was packed enough that I could get by without needing a job. Then I went into full time ministry for a few years after I graduated. Now I'm a college student who cannot just "get by" without a job. Unfortunately this means my resume has little to no work value on it that people will recognize in the work force.

I have been updating my resume for various summer jobs applications. As I was writing it out, it seemed silly some of the things I was putting down "Head Leader for a Children's Club" and other various such titles, that don't necessarily sound impressive to the secular world. Yet I know I’ve learned important valuable skills even though the title of the position may not sound impressive. I know that if I can get an interview, I would be able to prove myself.

In the Old Testament we have the classic story of a boy named, David.

David was young and his resume read, "shepherd boy" not exactly everyone's first pick when looking for a giant killer. That is until David was able to get an interview with the King and defend his title.

"But David persisted. “I have been taking care of my father’s sheep and goats,” he said. “When a lion or a bear comes to steal a lamb from the flock, I go after it with a club and rescue the lamb from its mouth. If the animal turns on me, I catch it by the jaw and club it to death. I have done this to both lions and bears, and I’ll do it to this pagan Philistine, too, for he has defied the armies of the living God! The Lord who rescued me from the claws of the lion and the bear will rescue me from this Philistine!”

Saul finally consented. “All right, go ahead,” he said. “And may the Lord be with you!”

1 Samuel 17:34-37

New Living Translation

The title, "shepherd boy" doesn't sound so silly anymore. David was given this opportunity and he seized it. He seized it so good he cut off the head of the Philistine and gave it to the King.

"There you go sir, told ya I could do it."

No matter where the Lord calls you to go, He will equip you for the job. Even though all odds may be against you, God loves to prove that because of his greatness the weak are able to do anything. 

“…God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.”

1 Corinthians 1:27

And in return we are able to give Him glory for helping us do what we could not have done in our own strength.

Be Still

For someone like me who likes to stay busy the idea of, "Be still and know that I am God" can sound to be frank very boring.

However, God is not boring, He's mesmerizing. Although I may not always want to be still when I take time to do as Psalm 46:10 says, the realigning of my mind can be transforming and I look at my circumstances differently.

Yet, this does not necessarily mean that you must sit down, be quiet and stay there for several hours. No, being still can happen in the middle of the day. Being still can happen during a worship service when you are in the presence of the Lord and you can't help but be still and know that He is God. When you have had it up to "here" with other people and their crud. When you've been fighting all day, week, month, year to keep sane during the constant waves of life, be still. 

Because at the end of the day with whatever it may be that's flooding your mind God is stronger than our struggles. He knows better than anyone else and you don't have to put up with it alone.
So, "be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid nor terrified because of them. For the Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

You are not in this alone.

An Ear to Lend and a Heart to Hold

I am not a good listener. 

Seriously, I do not listen very well at all. I stumble into things (physically), over things (verbally), and I most certainly can be a very distracted conversationalist. Throughout the years I have grown in my listening ability but even now I am pretending to listen to my roommate as she talks to me. I am smiling and nodding in agreement because for the most part, I know what I am hearing. She's describing that she is tired but with many more words. I nod showing I understand, I hear what she is saying, and I care.
Wait... do I really care?
Tonight as I was at a Bible study we were reading from Romans and two simple verses gave me a light bulb moment. Romans 12:10-11 says, "Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically."
That is when the light turned on.
I listen to people with lazy ears, half the affection I should be, and I don't think about taking delight in honoring them. Simply put, we need to care about others more than ourselves. But when we put that into practice are we actually showing the people we speak to that we care?
Unfortunately in a conversation I know a person can tell if I am really giving them my full attention. When I don't make eye contact, as small as a glance at my phone, my computer, whatever it may be that tips them off that I am not giving them my attention shows that I devalue them as a person.
My roommate knows I care and love her but she probably also knows i'm not listening incredibly intently. It is fairly obvious I am not hanging on her every word.

Why? Why do I not listen very well?
Because I choose who I am going to put value on and in the moment I chose to value myself, my time, and thoughts over her.
Whereas my focus needs to switch from me, to enthusiastically working for the Lord by putting her first, giving her the attention she deserves, and not getting lazy with it.
So I'm going to put down the phone, I am going to choose to care about others more than myself, and hopefully show the people in my life that I value them.
But more importantly that Christ does.

A New Person

Have you ever wanted to restart your day? 

You woke up late, something went wrong, and you just want to rewind so that you can get it right. 

Or maybe it is not the day you want to restart but perhaps the year. If you had known from the time the ball dropped on January 1st, 2016 entering into the new year with joy and gladness that every moment afterward would be a downward spiral... would you want to go back and fix it? To know when the errors or mistakes were going to happen so that you could prevent yourself from the pain or even just the hassle of cleaning up your own mess?

I wouldn't say that's exactly how the past 25 days have been for me but you could say I've had a lot of those days where I wanted to redo some moments and prevent mistake. We all know from experience this is not actually possible. As much as we want to change our past all that can change is our attitude.

Romans 12:2 says, "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."NLT

The brain is a funny thing. When you decide that you are mentally going to make this day better, you are taking a huge step in the right direction. We must remember God knows what He is doing, and when something goes "wrong", there may be a reason for it. There is not a definite way of knowing every reason for every single thing that happens. However, we can know that through different trials in our lives ultimately God lets them happen to show us our need for Him. 

Sure, I would like to redo some moments but when I really think about it, I know I can learn from those, and call out to God for His grace to do better next time. I see my need to rely on Him. When I don't know where I'm going in life, if I am in the right major for my degree, or what job I should look into, I can remember Romans 12:2. That I should not mimic the behavior of the world. In fact what the world is concerned about should not concern me. I have authority and stability in an unchanging powerful Savior. Instead I can let God transform me into a new person. Then I, "will learn to know God's will..." for me, God's will is good and pleasing and perfect. Beyond all belief, I can rest assuringly that when He directs, it is without fault.

A Year of Trust

Trust is a simple five letter word that can be so difficult to do sometimes.

Webster defines trust as: someone or something that is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc. 

Simply defined yet not always simply done. 

On the road in January our leader had each team member pick a word we were going to focus on for the year. After a lot of prayer God clearly directed me to pick the word trust. 

To say I didn't have to think about that word this year would be far from the truth. 

I spent the spring semester finishing the road year, the summer serving at Life Action Camp, I moved back home to Phoenix, and finished my first semester of college!

I've also been stretched beyond my belief, cried more than I ever have, (hopefully) grown in character, laughed more than ever, and seen that through all of this I just need to trust in my all knowing Savior. As completely difficult as it can be that's the simple truth.

As I've gone through different trials this year God would quickly remind me to trust Him. There were times that I would just have to blatantly admit that I didn't. That I didn't trust what He was doing and that I was hurt or scared about what was coming next and all the change happening. Then I would be reminded of the man that told Jesus, "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief" Mark 9:24. It's like knowing what you should do but not being ready to do it yet or by yourself. God has given me continued grace to trust Him! 

I look forward to 2016 with all of the unknowing adventures ahead! 

I wish you a Happy New Year and may your trust in our Creator grow beyond belief. 

"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior" 

People Are More Important

In light of my last post about extending kindness beyond our normal comfort zone, I have definitely been challenged this November.
So this may sound repetitive but I felt it was important to share, so stick with me for a little bit and let me know if you can relate.

Do you ever have those times where you finally get to sit down and get some work finished? It's been piling up and there just hasn't been the time. There's maybe an hour or so in your day to just knock it out and check it off your list. You have time to do it in the next couple days but you don't want to wait too long, and you want to have some of your weekend work free. Then, the door opens and someone comes in to chit chat. They don't need something important they just came to say hi, and before you know it a few minutes goes by and they're still just talking about shoes and whether or not they should have insoles for their flat feet. They aren't sure if they should use Dr. Scholls or go generic and get something cheaper.
As you know how irritating this is because you're smiling and nodding while inside your head you're thinking, "PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE. I don't want to be mean but I procrastinated and I need to get this done so that I can have free time this weekend. This was my alone time, and you're interrupting to talk about your flat feet. I hate feet!"
Still nodding your head, fighting your flesh and then you remember...
People are more important.

People are more important than papers.
People are more important than emails, or math homework.
They are treasured by God just like you are and God wants you to listen.

As I've had similiar scenarios come up often these past few weeks I have often been reminded by that still small voice, that people are more important. Every time He reminds me of that I am able to relax, know that God will give me the grace to get that work done later, and I am able to listen to that persons heart which is really saying, "I don't care what you think about which insole I should use, I just need to know that someone will listen to me, talk to me, and put me first. I just need to know that someone cares about me."

And you know what happens when you listen to people?
Your ministry grows, and lives are changed. People have seen you care about them and put them first when you could have put yourself first. Your platform to share Christ with them has grown more than it would if you had turned them away.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves."
Matthew 7:12

Extended Kindness

One of my dear friends from Life Action sent me a, "Package of Happiness" the other day. It was completely unexpected, and kind. I am thankful to have such a friend that goes out of her way to express her value of me. Which got me thinking...

Luke 6:35-36 says,

"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful."

Whenever I read a verse about being kind in the Bible I tend to think, "Yes! Be kind just like Jesus was. Only... not to some people right?"

This may be more of a subconscious thought rather than something I say out loud. 

However, I think God has been trying to get ahold of me on this. Today as I read about being kind in my devotions Luke 6:35-36 you could say, poked my heart. I heard the word surrender. God wants me to surrender bitterness as an excuse to refuse kindness to others. 

 I only want to be kind to those whom I believe deserve it. When you give out kindness and people are ungrateful, my instinct is, 

"Oh, well in that case, you won't be receiving anymore kindness from me!" 

Why? Because, who in their right mind would be kind to the unkind and ungrateful.

God.

God is kind to me when I am ungrateful for the blessings he lavishes on me. 

God is kind to me when I am ugly in my heart and think unkindly of others. God is kind to me when I don't deserve it. Which let's face it, is all the time.  

People go to feed the homeless and believe they are doing something really good for going out of their way to give someone a sack meal. But when a family member, or a neighbor asks for help the umpteenth time, forget it. They need to learn how to be responsible. 

Maybe.

Maybe they do need to learn how to be responsible but why not teach them? This issue is moreover a posture of heart than it is your actions.

You can have kind actions but an unkind heart or motive behind those actions.

Yet, when your heart is aligned with God's and he gives you the grace to have a kindness within yourself, kind actions will flow without thought, but instinct. 

Being kind is going above and beyond. Not for yourself or for how others will see you. Being kind is to be done because as believers we are called to be, "kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful."

As excruciatingly hard as this can be, it can be done with the grace of God. 

"Be kind to one another tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you"

Ephesians 4:32

What is College?

A fair question when you're in the middle of it. Or better yet if you've never been.

College is sitting in front of a computer.

Typing all of your math answers.

Staying up late to be social.

Procrastinating.

Hating that you procrastinated.

Planning out your next week so that you don't procrastinate.

Drinking lots of coffee.

Catching the shuttle to work immediately after class.

Getting sunburnt walking to class (maybe only Phoenix).

Not caring about how you look.

College is complicated, and altogether simple.

It's work for your education.

College is an outlet for your career.

It's a building place.

Where you make friends and learn about what you aren't good at.

While learning about what you are good at.

Realizing you're in the wrong field of education.

Then changing your mind.

College is the same daily conversations.

It's good.

And that's where I am.

At college.

Honesty is the Best Policy...

Today ends my first week in college. A sentence I never thought I would have the privilege of saying. However, I would be lying if I said it was easy. 

There are so many thoughts that come to me as I walk on campus or try to do my homework. There's quiet a variety to what I think.

Usually it sounds something like this...

"I love my roommate we get a long so well, I'm glad this worked out."

"I feel so privileged to be at a University to learn! Especially knowing why I want to be here."

"Wow, home is only 25 minutes away instead of 2,500 miles away. I can visit almost whenever I want!" 

Or I might have other drastic thoughts such as...

"Why am I doing this? This is hard? I should quit"

"I forgot how hard it can be to make friends. Maybe I should just commute to campus."

"Did God want me in college or was this just my decision?" 

"I just want to sleep and watch movies. I want a break" 

"I just finished a three and a half year journey of almost constant traveling, maybe I should've started next semester."

"Don't give up, keep speaking truth into your life. Satan is dumb and annoying, I can do this by the grace of God."

As you can see I've had a lot of opportunities to keep speaking truth to myself. The moments that become hardest though remind me of a couple I stayed with for one night, that have made a lasting impression on me. We (Life Action Road Team) were in Charleston, SC for the night and a church we had been with the year before set up host homes for us that night. 

An elderly couple I had never met volunteered to keep two girls in their home. They were very nice, we stayed up late chatting, and we were up early chatting again. However, it wasn't until we were getting in the car to leave that my host dad said something I've never forgotten. It was something to the affect of, "Girls, life is hard and the older you get, the harder it becomes. Keep your focus and trust in God." 

To which my host mom, was embarrassed for him not having said something nice, encouraging, or sweet to wish us goodbye. However, I have often thought of what he said. 

In the short two years it's been since he said that to us, these have been some of the most trying times in my life. At some of the most discouraging moments I would remember sitting in the car with the door open, a nice elderly man standing in front of me saying, "Life is hard, and the older you get the harder life becomes... focus and trust in God." 

So even though, he did not wish us a general or cliche kind of goodbye... He spoke truth. 

And that truth, has meant so much more to me, than all these fluffed up (yet truthful) God has a plan for you goodbyes. For that, I'm grateful.  

His honesty was something that didn't give me false hope, it put reality in place, life is hard. However, it also reminded me of 1 Corinthians 10:13 which says, 

"The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure."

I know God's opened so many doors for me to be here. I'm here for a purpose, even though I can't see that purpose, I have to continue to trust Him. Fighting back against lies that I come across or I'm tempted to believe. 

It's only the beginning of school, I know as I get into the groove of this new chapter everything will be much smoother and better. I just wanted to give you some truth today and remember that Christ loves you, he sees where you are, but He won't give you anything you can't handle with His grace. 

Be encouraged. 

The Not-So-Perfect Servant Girl...

For the past three years I played the part of the servant girl in a children's musical we do on the road. We tell the story of Naaman from 2 Kings 5. Naaman's character has a couple problems. One being that he has leprosy, the other is that he is incredibly prideful. Naaman had a servant girl that he had captured for his wife. The servant girl explains that there's a prophet from her homeland who know's God and if, Naaman, could meet him he could be healed.
The servant girl is supposed to be the example of an honest humble believer.

However, it wasn't until after being the servant girl for nearly two years God showed me how prideful I was in being the servant girl. I get to be in the spot light, with lines and sing a song. I've always enjoyed being the center of attention. Most of the time doing Naaman would make me feel important and like I had talent (In reality, I am not an actress whatsoever, and would mess up my song what felt like almost every time).

I portrayed the servant girl and yet my heart was completely full of pride.
When I realized this not only was I shocked, I was ashamed of myself.
I was so blind to the condition of my heart.
I hate pride because God hates pride.
"The Lord detests the proud; surely they will be punished."
Proverbs 16:5
I was surprised to hear that I would be the servant girl for a second year and even more surprised when they gave it to me for a third time.
Now, I know that God wanted me to see the ugliness of my heart.
I'm not sure if I will ever be completely cleared of pride but becoming humble is like Christ.
And I want to be like Christ.

"For me to live is Christ and to die is gain..."
Philippians 1:21

2014-2015

Hello, from Life Action Camp.

A couple weeks ago we finished the road year. 

I just wanted to send you an update.

On our way to the last church the bus broke down so we had to all pile into different vehicles to get to our destination (3 hours from where we had to leave our bus).

We made fun out of the situation. 

It wasn't until the night before we had to leave that they had the bus fixed.

The church we were in had a considerably large amount of attendants for the size of the building. However, there was no room for two kids clubs. Just one.
Which means we combined our age groups and taught just one large Happy Heart City.

It was a blast!
We all had fun being able to teach together, and it was an experience I never thought would happen. 

It was surreal finishing up what had become just regular life for me these past few years.
However, now I am in Buchanan, Michigan.
I get the privilege of serving families while they come to family camp for a week at a time.
Last week I had the sweetest, fun, family. I was very happy to serve them and it was great connecting with them while they where here.

I look forward to serving five more families and moving back home next month.

For now I'm resting until camp starts again on Monday.
If you'd like to see more of what my last travel year looked like here's our end of the year video:
YouTube.com

And just for fun, I made this video: I Can't Cook while I was here waiting for families to arrive.

Until next time,
Marina Nellie. 

An Unexpected Surprise

While traveling on the road full time you end up going through luggage pieces more often than you'd like. The constant packing, unpacking, and pulling of your suitcases from place to place takes a toll on them. Here you are only allowed to have one big suitcase, and a duffle. You also have a personal closet on the truck to store things which helps a lot. However, when you have to pack for all weather circumstances, and you're traveling for 10 months, it just never feels like there's enough room.
That is, I am speaking for myself.

Yet, everyone has their own system for how to travel and mine seems to change more often than I'd like. For all my travel time I have not used a duffle. I would use some type of travel piece smaller than a duffle. At the beginning I thought I would be ok. Until a few months in, I wished I had one of those Vera Bradley duffles. I've never been a fan of how they look but moreover how well they function. Basically just being able to cram anything into it and having a side pocket that never seemed to let anything slip out.

While we were in Florida about a month ago I was able to stay with a family for two nights that I had previously stayed with on the road last year. It was great being able to visit and catch up with them. They are such a sweet family. My roommate and I grew very close with them when we were there for a summit last year. So it meant a lot to be able to see them for just a couple days.

While we were talking on the last night my host mom asked about how our luggage works. I mentioned the big suitcase, and duffle bag. Now, I wouldn't normally mention how I'd like a Vera Bradley duffle bag over what I did have for a couple of reasons. Sometimes people just really want to bless you and if they hear you want something they will go out and get it. Other times, if you say it in such a way they might feel like you are hinting at wanting them to get something for you. So I never mention things like that. I despise it when people are free loaders and I do my best to not come off like one.
However, I knew them and we were just having a conversation, I happened to mention it.
No later than ten minutes she tells me she had something for me.

A Vera Bradley duffle. She had it for when she gave birth to her son, James who was a three month old at the time. She used it once to take what she needed with her to the hospital.

I had no intention of hinting about it, I was purely just sharing about my life and how traveling works. To say the least, I was incredibly shocked and yes, the cliche christian "I'm so #blessed" sentence. But hey, I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. That bag has been so nice to have. Every time I look at it I'm still shocked.
It may seem silly to you, but I'll be forever grateful.

You never know when or where God is going to bless you next.
It may not be something like a duffle bag, but it could mean just as much to you.

Live in the Moment

We just finished a full summit in Aledo, Illinois where I was able to sit through all the services and just soak in for a break. It was awesome. I had not sat in but one service since last spring. Granted that’s my fault because I’m in charge and could have made time for myself to get in service but… life.

The other night while in service it dawned on me all of the “last time” moments I am about to have. The last time I will wear the team dress I’ve had since my first year. The last time I’ll get to teach my favorite lesson. Or the last time I’ll tell a story that’s made the most impact on my life.  The last time I get to go out to lunch or coffee with my close friends. The list is endless and I can’t help but get emotional over some of these things. So I asked my boyfriend, to help me come up with a word or phrase that I could say to myself to keep me from slipping into sadness.

And yes, I did say boyfriend. Like how I snuck that in there? His name is Nathan, he’s from Michigan, and he leads the older kids club called, Base Camp.  Now you have enough information to stalk him, so in the words of my father, “Get crackin!”

Anyways, he took some time to think about it and called me later than night. He told me about how it can be easy to compare travel years and nitpick at what you do and don’t like between all of them. But rather than doing that, just live in the moment. Enjoy the blessing that moment is.

Since then there have been so many times I’ve had to say to myself, “Marina, just live in the moment. It’s going to be OK.” It’s been so very helpful. Just reminding myslef not to get anxious over it and pray for grace.

Now we are in route to The Barn at Buladean. A place you may have heard me mention before. We’ve spent a couple of Thanksgivings there since I started traveling in 2012. We’ll be staying there till Sunday then going to a conference at the Billy Graham Center in North Carolina.  We’ll be helping and attending with some of it. So that’s my update on life for you!

Thanks for reading!

When Crayons Make You Cry...

Hi from the Blue Team in Harrison, Tennessee!
Services just ended yesterday and I just had to share with you something God did for us teachers!

The other night as we were signing in kids a little girl gave us a hand made card. 

It expressed how she had loved coming to Happy Heart City and that she was thankful for all she had learned. Along with the card was a little box of 24 brand new crayons. I immediately was filled with love and joy. Feeling incredibly grateful for a brand new box of crayons. She knew we needed them because our old ones are so shot and gross. Many of them 1/4 of an inch long. We had been needing new crayons for months. Just a week or so ago I put a request for 192 new crayons. Which can take a long time to get. Like maybe by May sometime we would get them. No joke. 

I was already starting to try and figure out how to use them. 

Should I just add them to the bucket? 

Or should I look for our worst crayons to through away?

How can I best use these without ruining them?

Every night when we do craft and we have to hand out little bits of crayons for the kids to use I feel so bad. But now we have some new ones to add to the group. So it will be a little better. 

Then another little girl came in with her own little baggie of crayons for the same reason. She wanted to bless us with some new crayons, knowing we needed them.

How sweet can they be?

That was so thoughtful of them. 

When the kids were signed in we got started with the rules. 

When the children's minister from the church came in and said,

"Stop! I need all the teachers to the front! The kids have something they want to bless you with" 

She was holding a huge box in her hands and she said, 

"Kids what are the two things the Happy Heart City teachers needed the most?" 

The kids shouted, "Crayons and markers!" 

At that point one of the little girls Caris (5 years old) had the biggest grin on her face and she said, 

"This is going to bless y'all's life so much!"

Kerri handed us the giant box filled with hundreds and hundreds of new crayons and new sharpies. 

Never in my life has a church been so thoughtful and sweet.

I stood there with the other teachers just in complete shock. 

I may have shed some tears. May have... ok I didn't but I definitely wanted too!

Their kindness was huge to not only our teachers but for me personally... my heart was full. 

Even after that night parents would come in with more and more crayons, highlighters, and sharpies. 

This was huge, and all I had hoped for was 192 crayons by May. 

Thank you God for going above and beyond our needs. 

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:19